Test Drive Meme #1

[changelinged]

TDM #1 - January/February 2025

🦋 Introduction

Welcome to the Pixie Led Test Drive Meme!

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🦋 The Party

You wake up at a party.

You're not sure how, exactly, you got here. You may have just been walking in the woods or at a meeting for work or doing any other normal activity for you. But you know you weren't supposed to be at this party, you're fairly certain.

Anyone you ask about it will say the party is for you. You and the others also waking up and looking confused. Further questions will lead to the partygoers insisting you have something to eat. You're starving and others are eating the food without repercussion, so you figure there's no harm in a bite. You finish your portion.

It seems to be a holiday party of some sort, if the large, candle-decorated pine tree in the middle of the tables is any indication. While the party appears to be outside, the temperature is mild and pleasant within the gates and hedges sectioning the party off from the rest of the garden. Stars twinkle overhead, a full moon hanging in the sky, as fluffy flakes of oddly not-cold snow drift to the ground. Some of the hosts dance in a circle around the pine tree, moving their hands around in odd patterns as their feet move; it seems to make the tree glow. The mood seems to be festive, with everyone smiling brightly. Their chipper voices sometimes crescendo louder than the soft chamber music that's being performed in the corner; their laughter rings out like little bells now and then as people get settled.

There are candles and sprigs of pine on every table accenting the festive spread of food and drinks. There are cookies, olives and cheese and crackers, various sliced meats, cranberries and oranges, chocolate coins, fried potatoes of every shape and style, warmed cider and mulled wine, and every other type of food you might be craving.

As the party winds down and everyone's eaten, a tall, stately woman stands up and speaks. You feel her voice more than hear it.

I am the Lawspeaker of the Fae, elected by Seelie and Unseelie alike, and you are all, now, subjects of Faerie. You cannot leave this realm once you have eaten our food, and even if you could, there is no saying how much time has passed back where you're from. Your loved ones are likely dead, your problems have likely played out. We require assistance in various matters, and each of you has been chosen for your talent and skill. You will be adopted by one of the Seelie or Unseelie Courts based on your strengths and personality. Your Court will decide what to do with you from there.

As suddenly as she stood, she sits back down.

🦋 A Great Miracle Happened There

In front of you sits a spinning top with symbols you don't recognize on each of its four sides. Next to it is a pile of chocolate coins. Someone nearby helpfully explains that you'll need a second player to bet against, but they at least are willing to take a second to explain the rules.

Each round, each player puts a coin into the pot. Then they take turns spinning the top, taking an action depending on the symbol that is landed on. The wind chime means you do nothing. The coin means you take everything in the pot. The sword means you take half of everything in the pot (half plus one if there is an odd number). The hand means you put a piece of your winnings back in the pot. When one person owns every chocolate coin and the other person is left with nothing, they have won the game.

Perhaps you should try and flag someone down to play a game to figure out what's going on around here. After all, half of the party guests look about as confused as you do, and it might be a nice idea to start getting to know the other people here.

🦋 Eat Me

Tucked away in a corner sits the dessert table. Each cake, cookie, and pastry has signs next to them:

Warning: Do Not Eat

But everything else you've had tonight doesn't seem to have an effect, so what's the harm in a little sweet treat? You dig in, and then, without your knowledge, something changes about you. What those changes are, exactly, is dependent on the desserts you've eaten. Luckily the effect is only temporary; some only last a matter of minutes, some last hours, but either way as soon as you leave the party, you'll be cured.

Types of Desserts

• Cakes: You will believe you've lived in the Fae Realm your whole life and belong there
• Cookies: You will shrink down to about two inches tall
• Pies: You will forget someone important to you
• Candies: You will no longer be able to tell any lies
• Custards: You will grow a tail, antennae, wings, or any combination thereof

🦋 GEIS

You feel a vibration in your pocket sometime after the Lawspeaker addresses everyone. When you search for the source, you will pull out your Leaf, the device the Fae use to stay in touch with each other. Anyone who's used a smart phone will easily recognize how it works.

Greetings, Adopted. This is your Lawspeaker.

Tell us all of a time you received a gift. It could be one you enjoyed or one you did not. Perhaps a particularly amusing story will be rewarded.

ｎａｖｉｇａｔｉｏｎ

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Comments

[blitzno]

"Oh, great, small talk." Never been Blitzø's strong suit. At least, not with people who are remotely polite company. Or people who seem like they want to laugh at him. "Well, I'm an assassin, so there's that. What else do you want to know? Or should I pretend to give a shit about what you meant by wizard? Cause I'm fifty/fifty on you doing children's birthday parties or being in a cult."

[wizard_dresden]

"The banalities are sometimes important." And sometimes they suck, but you do them anyway.

"No pretending needed, but I'm neither a party performer nor in a cult. I do actual magic. But, you're an assassin? Does that pay well for you?"

[blitzno]

"I didn't think you'd go around claiming to be a wizard if you couldn't do actual magic... wait." Blitzø's eyes widen. "Do human birthday parties have fake wizards usually? Like, some asshole just shows up and lies to children? That's fucking hilarious."

Sometimes he loves the mortal realm. Humans are such messy bitches.

"Yeah, I mean, I run my own business. There's a lot of competition out there, but we've really found our niche. Plus, my team is the best." He beams. "Really know how to put the laughter in slaughter when I'm out there with them, you know?"

[wizard_dresden]

"Not exactly. Magicians use sleight of hand to entertain children. Wizards use real magical energy to do cool shit." Though, technically, stage magicians are kind of lying to the audience, but they want to be lied to - it's why they're there.

"There's a lot of competition for demon assassins?" Taking a bit of a guess there - the yellow eyes and teeth are kinda leaning that direction.

[blitzno]

"Yeah, but mine is the only Imp-owned assassin business, and the only one that'll take jobs in that living world." He puffs out his chest proudly. He's so proud of his team and everything they've accomplished.

[wizard_dresden]

Ah, that's what he is - an imp. Not that I know many imps, but having a descriptor is helpful. I give the little imp the side-eye. "You murder people in the living world?" That's a whole lot of not cool.

[blitzno]

Blitzø rolls his eyes. "No, we're the kind of assassins who bring hugs and cupcakes. What do you fucking think?"

*iz ded* lol

[wizard_dresden]

I sigh. Heavily. Like, I sound like a dragon. "That's not what I meant. The emphasis was on the moving dimensions part, not the killing part."

he is a talented assassin

[blitzno]

"What, are wizards like, magic cops?" Blitzø narrows his eyes. "I liked you better when I thought you did birthday parties. Well, you've got nothing on me, fuckwad."

He holds up his wrist, showing off the crystal embedded in one glove.

"Completely clear and legal, all right? I have put my time, energy, and multiple holes into making this business what it is, not to mention putting up with way more feelings conversations and musical numbers than I ever wanted to experience. So fuck off."

[wizard_dresden]

"Some of them are, yeah." There's a whole group of wizards who enforce the 'rules' regarding the use of magic. "We're out of my jurisdiction, asshole. I can't do anything about your 'business' here." I can match energy. If I were back in my home realm and this guy showed up, different story.

"Look, I don't agree with your line of work - the whole killing people for payment. But, this is likely a case of live and let live - as long as you don't kill me, we're good." And I don't know how many stones I can throw considering I paid a mercenary to take me out a couple years back. Look, there was a good reason for it, okay. Besides, it didn't stick.

[blitzno]

Blitzø smiles, sharp teeth on display. "Better hope no one in hell has a grudge against you."

[wizard_dresden]

I laugh, and it's almost hollow. "Oh man, I'm positive there are more than a few entities in hell who are pissed off enough to come after me from beyond the grave. Some have already done it." My live gets very interesting once or twice a year or so.