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pixieledmemes2025-07-15 09:03 am
Test Drive Meme #4
Welcome to the Pixie Led Test Drive Meme!
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You wake up at a party.
You're not sure how, exactly, you got here. You may have just been walking in the woods or at a meeting for work or doing any other normal activity for you. But you know you weren't supposed to be at this party, you're fairly certain.
Anyone you ask about it will say the party is for you. You and the others also waking up and looking confused. Further questions will lead to the partygoers insisting you have something to eat. You're starving and others are eating the food without repercussion, so you figure there's no harm in a bite. You finish your portion.
Unlike all of the other parties the Adopted have attended thus far, this one lacks the fae's usual easy elegance and ethereal beauty. Instead of dresses drenched in shining pearls and gems or sturdy tables full of the most mouth-watering food around, this party looks... cheap.
While the chasm between the Seelie and Unseelie courts has stopped growing, it also hasn't started shrinking. But when it comes to party planning, the Day Duke and the Summer Queen have thrown out the more traditional kind of party in favor of a summer celebration that their human pets might be familiar with. A Renaissance Faire.
But this is the fae interpretation of a human Ren Faire, complete with cheap, itchy costumes, cardboard stalls in the marketplace, and soft, plastic weaponry. Even the fae themselves seem to have gotten into the spirit of the event, masquerading - poorly - as humans playing faerie creatures. Everything within this crafted townsquare is absolutely fake, except for the plentiful faire food and drink that can not be avoided. Newcomers will have massive turkey legs, steaming apple dumplings, and overflowing wooden mugs shoved into their hands as they stroll through the faire.
As the party winds down and everyone's eaten, a tall, stately elf woman stands up and speaks. You feel her voice more than hear it.
I am the Lawspeaker of the Fae, elected by Seelie and Unseelie alike, and you are all, now, subjects of Faerie. You cannot leave this realm once you have eaten our food, and even if you could, there is no saying how much time has passed back where you're from. Your loved ones are likely dead, your problems have likely played out. We require assistance in various matters, and each of you has been chosen for your talent and skill. You will be adopted by one of the Seelie or Unseelie Courts based on your strengths and personality. Your Court will decide what to do with you from there.
As suddenly as she stood, she sits back down.
CW: loss of agency, character death
Between the faeries cosplaying as humans - flat, bland wigs and all - Adopted may catch a glimpse or three of strange figures slinking through the crowd, all dressed up in the same cheap robes, wearing masks made up to look like rats. If an Adopted attempts to catch one of these figures, they’ll find themselves drawn away from the lively crowd into some darkened corner of the faire, where the sound of the festival doesn’t quite reach. The rat man will say nothing if spoken to, only holding out a shining, jeweled crown that all Adopted will feel compelled to wear before they scurry away without a word.
And for most of the party, the rat men seem harmless enough, lurking around and handing out crowns, making a point to hit most of the Seelie court’s Adopted in particular. It just seems like another strange misinterpretation of human tradition by the fae, unintentionally sinister when really it’s all for fun.
But then the party goes silent.
One of the rat men descends into the market square with a cheeky little dance, pipe in hand, already playing a jaunty tune that carries from one end of the faire to the other. Any Adopted wearing a crown will be unable to resist the call of the music, dancing along to every note. And as the figure masquerading as a rat begins to step backwards away from the crowd, they'll find themselves following right after him, forced to mimic his every step.
If they are not stopped by those without crowns, the Adopted will eventually dance themselves right into the forest with their piper, blindly following him even as the trees themselves begin to twist in around them. The further they get from the party, the more the brush becomes so thick it suffocates, vines and branches curling around limbs, trapping the Adopted long enough that they'll be swallowed up completely by the forest, returned to their dorm bedrooms by morning.
CW: loss of agency, unintentional harm, blood and gore
There is a veritable trove of activities the adopted can pick from to entertain themselves for the evening as they battle the relentless heat and scorching sun. But don't be fooled, the activities present aren't mundane and offer some thrilling options.
It should be noted that while of the other weapons to be found all over the faire are plastic, Adopted will see for themselves that there is no mistaking that the items used in these games are incredibly real.
- 🦋 Axe throwing & Archery: Of course, this sounds simple enough, but upon stepping up and picking up your axe or bow, you will find that you cannot stop until all arrows or axes are used (the number of which we leave to you). And your target? Why another Adopted, of course. In a blink, some random Adopted (be they known to you or not) will be selected and strapped to the target board, unable to teleport or wiggle free, trapped in much the same way you are. Until the last munition is used, neither of you can escape.
- Hope you have good aim.
- 🦋 Jousting: Three parties are at war for the jousting trophy - the Seelie, the Unseelie, and the Adopted. Now's your chance to ride for your chosen patron's honor and saddle up. Upon getting on the horse of your chosen patron, it will become impossible to dismount until you win or lose. Take up your lance and shield (did we mention they didn't offer armor?) and knock your opponent off their horse first or risk your own impalement and subsequent dishonor.
- Do not fear, no matter what happens during this event, the horses will be perfectly safe. The Adopted however do not have that same protection.
- 🦋 Darts: Seems simple enough. Much like the other games, once you begin to play you cannot stop until you and your partner reach 0. Upon starting, everything is normal other than the compulsion, but once the first dart is thrown? Well, your partner better have a good constitution because when either of you throw, the other will be hurt in turn. The closer to the bullseye you are, the more painful it will be.
- Isn't teamwork great?
You feel a vibration in your pocket sometime after the Lawspeaker addresses everyone. When you search for the source, you will pull out your Leaf, the device the Fae use to stay in touch with each other. Anyone who's used a smart phone will easily recognize how it works.
Greetings, Adopted. This is your Lawspeaker.
To be on theme with our festivities for tonight, tell us all of a time when you saw through a facade that fooled everyone around you. Perhaps the most compelling story will receive a reward from us.
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Nevermind. I forgot you were Loki and got my hopes up.
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[Loki rolls their eyes. Now they're both annoyed.]
I spoke true, if that's your concern. If you want the full story, it's rather long and convoluted so I thought I would spare you the trouble. Unless you're already familiar with the One Above All? The Beyonders? The Queen of Nevers?
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[ Tales of Magic aren't going to help him, but he can work with trying to glean some insights. Miguel can at least recognize he's only seen one Webby Branch of the Big Tree, after all. ]
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[They wiggle their still bound foot and leg as they speak, indicating for him to throw that last axe.]
Personally, I think it's irrelevant to most people, mortals and gods alike, because very few of them even remember reality collapsing. From their point of view, the current iteration of the multiverse is the way it's always been. I merely have the privilege of looking in from the outside.
im enjoying existential angst axe throwing
[ Miguel wonders if it might similarly be so grandiose and far ahead into the future. He had enough things to worry about as is.
Have your other leggy be free, Loki. That answer seems to have gotten his attention! ]
me too and loki hasn't even told him about all the timeline messing they've done
[Their final leggy free, they hop down from the target and then promptly teleport directly behind Miguel.]
Thank you, Miguel O'Hara of Midgard 2099! None of this matters while we exist in this realm, but it's a fun thought exercise, hm?
miguel spared from an early, stress-induced grave
[ Ragnarok, definitely not an ominous example. ]
I'm from Nueva York, actually. Earth-928.
[ Is it possible? Miguel is feeling... friendly? Friendly enough to give Loki a more specific detail about himself. Maybe he will follow up on that convoluted story. ]
for now...
[Or they had an apartment in New York. Again, what do the specifics matter when they're stuck here?]
You've recently arrived, yes? I'm the unofficial official liaison between the Fae and the Adopted, so let me know if you need any assistance there!
help him
[ HE HAS QUESTIONS ]
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[And they had fun getting to know Miguel this way! All in all a win win situation.]
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How bad will be dealing with our hosts, exactly? Is it more "immature noblity" or "insecure middle management"?
[ Give him the Tea, Loki. He wants to see if it holds a candle to Alchemax drama. ]
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Mmmm, more immature nobility I'd say. Have you ever been to Otherworld? Do they have that on your Earth? I feel like it's the most apt comparison, mixed with Those Who Sit Above in Shadow.
[Otherworld over Asgard or Olympus since there is a slight lean towards the myths of the British Isles.]
They're seemingly all-powerful, given I'm trapped alongside everyone else. But they remind me more of beings like myself than those I've met outside reality. They claim we're here to help them with their affairs, but I imagine they've mostly grabbed us so that we may entertain them. They also fight with each other, there's the whole Seelie versus Unseelie thing, you're best off reminding yourself that it's all fairy tale logic.
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Not in 928, but other universes have a nexus with the same name.
[ His "world" really wasn't just Earth-928 anymore, not with all the meddling. ]
It sounds like the good news is that they're petty enough to infight, rather than crush all hopes of escape.
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[Loki's scepter materializes in their hands and they wave it around Miguel like a fairy godmother. And his clothing changes to match the vibes of Faerie, no more spiders, it's time for billowy white shirts.]
There! Now you fit right in!
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Is this really necessary? It's not like plastic was around in the 16th century.
[ Gesturing at the plastic weaponry being carried around everywhere. ]
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The plastic's for the party, it isn't a typical thing. The clothes, however, are! I went easy on you too, didn't even break out the Asgardian finery.
[And clothing changes are one of the least harmful things Loki is inclined to do. Which is now giving them ideas.]
... Or turn you into a spider. Should I turn you into a spider?
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[ Miguel evidently developed powers that came with more Side Effects than usual. He will make a good faith gesture and tone down his pixels so that they blend in with his garb. Here be a man forced to get into the spirit of Fun. ]
I get it. Make an effort to ingratiate yourself to the Fae. I can play along.
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Or so quickly come to the same conclusion Loki had had when they first arrived. Everyone else has preferred to loudly and constantly voice their disapproval of the Fae, with Loki having to explain why they were working with the Court even when it should be obvious.]
... You might be the smartest person from our multiverse to arrive so far. Aside from me, of course. The Charles Xavier who was here before was rather young, otherwise he would probably be near the top as well.
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Someone tried to punch their way out of this, didn't they.
[ The Fae here are powerful enough to keep Loki and Dr. Strange trapped against their wills, and could rip him from 1610 and separate him from his network. That is three ways of universe-hopping nullified for shits and giggles. That is horrifying.
The only option that makes sense is to play the game until he can find a weakness or workaround. He still hates that they insist on Stupid Costumes, though. ]
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[they sigh. You have no idea, Miguel.]
Steve Rogers thought simply speaking to the Lawspeaker would be useful. Stephen Strange thought the only thing keeping him here was that he was missing a certain teleportation artifact. Billy Kaplan's always meditating, as if a method of escape will just choose to reveal itself one day. And Thanos thought I was his Loki and tried to choke me.
[It is so exhausting being the person who knows the most about multiverse stuff and how the Fae work, and how basic plot structure works. If the story doesn't want them to leave this place, then they won't be leaving this place any time soon. Not with these methods at least.]
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Chingadamadre... We are so screwed.
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[If they accept their situation, Loki thinks it’ll free them up to actually do something about it, rather than moping all the time.]
Unless you wish to prove yourself the same as all the others.
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Accept the absurdity of it. Sure.
[ It does leave him to wonder what the Fae were looking for in all of them. ]
You didn't turn Thanos into a frog for the trouble?
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[But they are filing away the idea for later. The Avengers would certainly enjoy a Frog Thanos.]
I don't see why anyone's scared of him when they've conversely welcomed Sentry with open arms.
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[ Miguel is reaffirmed in his decision to never invite Avengers and their trouble into his House!! The Fantastic Four... maybe. But this is all so uncontrollably chaotic compared to his tidy, neatly woven Web. ]
You should give Steve Rogers points for at least trying to talk. He commits to the bit, if nothing else.
("Of course he is." B( )
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