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pixieledmemes2025-05-16 12:28 am
Test Drive Meme #3
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You wake up at a party.
You're not sure how, exactly, you got here. You may have just been walking in the woods or at a meeting for work or doing any other normal activity for you. But you know you weren't supposed to be at this party, you're fairly certain.
Anyone you ask about it will say the party is for you. You and the others also waking up and looking confused. Further questions will lead to the partygoers insisting you have something to eat. You're starving and others are eating the food without repercussion, so you figure there's no harm in a bite. You finish your portion.
It's another garden party near a large hedge maze in the middle of the night. With his penchant for games the Ruler of the Spring Court decided it would be nice to hold an actual game for all the Adopted present. None of that dreidel game a couple of parties ago. This time, he wants more spectacle with higher stakes. Forced to participate and host aspects of this gathering as well, the Ruler of the Dark Court wanted nothing to do with this, so he figured his participation in itself is for the party to happen at night, during his rule, when his mood is at its most pleasant.
Of course, there is no shortage of light sources such as candles and torches, much to the Earl's chagrin, as well as no shortage of food. This time, the fae decided to try their hand on some pasta. They heard it's a good delicacy from the mortal plane. Thing is, sauces look and smell bizarre. One's purple, while another's bright pink, and they taste fruity, as well as flowery, much like the cookies from the last gathering.
As the party winds down and everyone's eaten, a tall, stately woman stands up and speaks. You feel her voice more than hear it.
I am the Lawspeaker of the Fae, elected by Seelie and Unseelie alike, and you are all, now, subjects of Faerie. You cannot leave this realm once you have eaten our food, and even if you could, there is no saying how much time has passed back where you're from. Your loved ones are likely dead, your problems have likely played out. We require assistance in various matters, and each of you has been chosen for your talent and skill. You will be adopted by one of the Seelie or Unseelie Courts based on your strengths and personality. Your Court will decide what to do with you from there.
As suddenly as she stood, she sits back down.
So, what about this hedge maze that seems to have appeared out of nowhere and looming quite eerily beside this night's gathering? For one, peculiar noises can be heard whenever one's near its entrance. From the rustling of leaves to a woman crying, everything seems to be coming from inside.
Of course, the Adopted's participation is required and paramount. Anyone who refuses will be met with harsh penalties and consequences, whatever those may be. They also hint of a prize to anyone who comes out victorious on the other side. It's unclear what it is, though.
The fae know that while the Adopted have been very useful so far, they are also vulnerable and susceptible to fear, so to mitigate that, they have some colorful shots on a table marked LIQUID COURAGE near the entrance to the maze with such effects:
- Gold: Essentially a strong drink that gives you profound energy for 24 hours.
- Red: Downing this will make you feel warm like an aphrodisiac.
- Blue: Basically functions like a normal tequila shot. Or three. Comes with a little bag of salt.
These shots are not compulsory for the Adopted to take, but they will be highly encouraged to do so before entering. Once inside, the rustling of leaves and the sounds of someone crying become louder and even more evident. There are also a few key things that seem to be very clear the longer an Adopted is within the maze's walls:
- The maze is moving. How it's doing it, nobody knows. But it appears to be alive somehow, much like the castle grounds, so finding a clear pathway is almost impossible.
- Whenever an Adopted turns right two consecutive times, they will see a more positive outcome from a terrible event in their lives. Lost someone? They're now here and alive. Gave up on a dream? You find yourself currently living it.
- If an Adopted turns left two consecutive times, they will see someone, a family member or a friend who's still alive and had a deep impact on their lives, bleeding and dead on the ground.
It would be great if no one else can see an Adopted during their most vulnerable, but since the maze moves constantly, another Adopted or two might be able to see them trying to parse out what they're seeing, even if their fellow Adopted can't see it themselves.
CW: dismemberment, body horror, forced body transformations, mild gore, asphyxiation, drowning of children, death
The Spring King only wanted some good-natured fun within the maze, but unbeknownst to him, some Unseelie creatures and Unseelie magic have appeared inside, threatening the safety of the Adopted traversing every nook and cranny. Surely this will not have any lasting consequences between the relationship of the Seelie and Unseelie court rulers. Not at all.
A few of these Unseelie beings and Unseelie magic roaming around the hedge maze that the Adopted will have a chance to meet are as follows:
- Manananggal: Capable of severing its torso from its legs, this vampiric creature usually preys on sleeping pregnant women and unborn babies. But not anymore. Due to magic put on it, this manananggal will strike anyone it comes across. Better pour salt on its severed lower torso once you find it, or else.
- La Llorona: Remember that woman crying? Well, somewhere in the maze alongside the eerie sounds of water flowing, you'll come across a weeping woman cloaked in white with her back turned against you. Be careful not to approach her because once you do, she'll try to choke you to death, reminiscent of how she drowned her own children.
- Jersey Devil: The first thing you'll hear once you turn is a high-pitched, blood-curdling scream then the sound of bat wings flapping. You better run as fast as you can to the other direction because this devil is out to attack anyone it sees on its path.
- A fountain: How odd. Running from the jersey devil or the manananggal might have made you thirsty so perhaps there's no harm in drinking from it. But just coming in contact with its water will make any Adopted soon realize they have transformed into an Unseelie creature.
Fighting off these creatures might be best with a fellow Adopted. After all, there's power in numbers. Just be careful not to die within the hedge maze. There might be some dire consequences.
You feel a vibration in your pocket sometime after the Lawspeaker addresses everyone. When you search for the source, you will pull out your Leaf, the device the Fae use to stay in touch with each other. Anyone who's used a smart phone will easily recognize how it works.
Greetings, Adopted. This is your Lawspeaker.
To be on theme with our festivities for tonight, we want to know a time in your life when you felt lost and wandering about. Perhaps the most compelling story will receive a reward from us.
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"And waste perfectly good silver on a hungry beast? If it wants to eat this miserable flyin' cow dollop, I'll give it the rest of me feckin' flask to wash it down an' kiss it on it's fat old head."
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It looks so... crunchy. No thanks, actually!
But hey, even as the little beast up there starts to maneuver around for possibly an attack, swooping around erratically as it works out the angle it wants...
While he's not looking, the space beside Cassian gets smaller. Not quite in touching range, but... there's something to be said for something the size of a human suddenly being replaced between one instant and the next with a massive fucking tiger.
Who doesn't even have to take a running start, it turns out, to leap way too goddamned high for an animal to leap, catch the Jersey Devil with one massive, dinner-plate-sized paw, and bringing it right back to the ground with it.
The thud of over eight hundred pounds coming back to the dirt is considerable. And yep, that fucking thing's really crunchy. Tannusen just felt a whole lot of bones snap under his foot, which was maybe a lethal amount because even though he hadn't even sunk any claws in, the thing's instantly gone completely limp.
Whelp. That's disappointing.
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Because he felt like a damn right fool when the man (more of a barely acknowledged shadow at the time he shifted) was suddenly replaced with a fucking tiger. As the big cat suddenly sprang into the air like a wound up industrial spring, Cassian let out a loud, emphatic curse in Irish, staggering back into the bushes to keep well the fuck out of the way of both the jump, and the subsequent plummeting pair of terrifying creatures, practically vanishing into the hedge in a hodgepodge of oversized clothes, scrawny limbs and well manicured leaves.
The fact that his caterwauling was the only noise here wasn't lost on him, irritably popping his head out of the shrubbery to glare at both the man (Beast??? Magician???) and crunchy mauled corpse alike.
"A warnin' would have been appreciated!!!" DICKHOLE.
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What a rip-off.
The little human priest with the firearm and the machine-gun mouth, though, sure was entertaining. One big monochrome ear rotated in his direction, and the tiger chuffed out some breaths in a way that definitely sounded like a laugh.
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"Oh aye laugh it up, ye massive prick, think you're so feckin' funny." He's pulling himself out of the hedge now, dragging along sticks and leaves in his long frizzy hair as he clambers to escape.
"... Should have picked up on some magic bollocks when ye took the matter of eatin' it so personally..." Grumbling and mumbling as he pulled detritus out of his hair, still glaring at Tannusen the whole time. Well he doesn't expect a response, cats don't have that going for them after all, so he's free to run his mouth as he pleases.
"Feel like a right twat now."
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So he gets up from crouching over the dead Devil, all twelve feet length of cat pacing on over to Cassian at a very casual walk. It takes no time at all, as big as he is, and as confined as space is here.
At least it's not a stalk? Or a leap? So it could always be worse.
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So Cassian stiffens as the space between them began to shrink, eying up the beast like a cornered rat, and more than ready to fight like one too.
"I'm tellin' ye now, that promise of me not shootin' ye is predicated on the assumption that ye won't try to maul me." Would he live? Unfortunately yes. That's the entire problem really, there's few ideas less pleasant than living through a tiger attack while hopelessly stuck in a sprawling hedge maze.
Which explained why he shuffled back a bit, still mindful of the hedge. Bad enough he's here arguing with a tiger, it'd be even worse arguing with a tiger while trapped inside a goddamn shrub.
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That wasn't the only promise you made, Cassian.
Now, normally? Tannusen would very much prefer people not touch him in this form. His instincts are almost exactly those of his cousins in India, after all. He prefers when he mauls or murders someone that it be his own idea, and not just... a flinch of bad luck.
But this is too fucking funny. So.
Smooch smooch, little man. One giant fuzzy forehead, right here at head height.
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"... Bloody feckin' fae, aren't ye?" Said with the same level of annoyance reserved for someone who's personally dealt with one before. "What the devil do ye even want then, ye great-" Wait.
Oh, that's right. He did actually make a promise earlier about something else, didn't he? At last, the adrenaline finally seeps out, allowing for the rest of his critical thinking skills to come back, and by god... Whatever color his body could possibly manage to muster has all flooded into his cheeks for a nice subtle shade of porcelain pink.
"Oh, absolutely not, ye duplicitous little minger. Tisn't what I meant and you damn well know it- Twas an idle joke, ye can just walk your hairy arse back!"
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So Tannusen didn't move just yet, ears flicking back, and then forward again, with another series of chuffing laugh-breaths. Look at this guy going all pink about it!
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Bore them to death. And so he crosses his arms over his chest, apparently just fine with the idea of hanging out here and having a staring competition with a tiger.
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Fiiiiine, be lame then. Tannusen got up, streeeetched with lots of audible popping and cracking, and then... started wandering off?
Well, back to his kill, anyway, to scoop it up in his mouth and cart it off. Probably someone he could throw it at in here, that could be funny. Or leave it in that fountain so less people would drink out of it like idiots?
Nahh. That would qualify as a good deed, and he'd apparently already done one of those by accident today. Gross.
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He knows better than to open his mouth and say anything else as Tannusen eventually grows bored and drags the slaughtered devil off. No reason to give the fae any cause to double back and finish the job, and no reason to give that same fae any more fuel for the fire.
There weren't many benefits to involving oneself so closely with fairies, but one of them was at least learning how to deal with one and not get killed about it.
Cassian slowly, quietly exhales the breath he'd been holding, before turning off to head down a different path.
cw suicidal moment
Two turns had hit Tannusen like a freight train, earlier. He'd been glad to be alone, then.
And since, he'd caught sight of La Llorona, reminded of someone else who wore a lot of white, and had long white hair, and yes, even the dead look of those hands hadn't... really tipped him off, though the fingers being a normal length had. Why wouldn't he think this was another part of that illusion, and draw near, ready to torture himself some more with visions of his dead sluagh?
He did it all the time inside his own head, why not in the flesh, too?
So he'd taken off his suit jacket, and came near, reaching to drape it over the crying ghost's shoulders.
Only when she'd wheeled around on him and gone for his throat had Tannusen known he'd kind of fucked up, here. He wasn't on his A-game at the moment, and even an athletic former carnie could end up flat on his back in the dirt with someone's hands around his throat on accident, once in a while...
He didn't drop the wyrd, however, or force an enchantment on the ghost, or even try to pry her off. Instead, the pooka actually smiled a little, sad and more than a little off-kilter, and reached to try to lift her veil even while he felt his vision starting to spark from the almost neck-breaking pressure she was putting into choking him out.
This was fine.
It's fine.
CW: Gore
It wasn't new, but it's cut was no less deep, and he needed a moment after pushing past the thing (it wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real) to catch his breath and steady his nerves with the flask at his hip.
He nearly passed the pair as he continued his march through the twisting corridors, a flash of white catching his eye and forcing him to double back.
There was no reason, none whatsoever, for him to suspect that this was another illusion. No, Cassian didn't pause, he didn't consider, he didn't even speak as the telltale sound of a cartridge being loaded and the barrel snapping into place clicked and clacked with deceptive lightness.
Once there was a shrouded woman over Tannusen, her long dead face just barely visible as he reached to pull back the veil.
The next, in a roar of sound she was a cloud of dull red and pulped meat, the sheer force of the elephant shot reducing the wraith to naught more than her base components. For how long, well, hopefully long enough, as the sound of that single shot slowly faded, leaving the priest standing some feet away, slowly swaying with the smell of whiskey clinging to him.
"Go hifreann leat!" Arguing with Tannusen had not, apparently, been taken very personally.
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After, he takes one good, solid inhale, the fingers still around his throat no longer clamped down tight. Carefully, he sets the veil aside, and reaches up for the dead hands limp around his neck like a loosened collar, plucking one gory stump of an arm off himself, and then the other.
Tannusen is not, apparently, of a sound enough mind to find all of this particularly urgent? But then, he hadn't been fighting, either. So. A sound mind hasn't been here in a long, long damn time.
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Neither were preferable over the other, it would have been far better if he'd not had to do it at all.
Cassian waited for a moment, watching how the man responded, until he saw him take that breath and begin to shift. It was then that he moved forward, slinging the gun over his back again.
"Aye there, mate. D'ye hear me?" His voice was low and calm, the natural rasp turning it into a soft growl. "Deep breaths now, just focus on that." Shock was something he'd dealt with before, and he could only assume that must have been the state Tannusen had entered. Even if it wasn't, with the way the fae seemed to be, speaking any more harshly wouldn't have done him any good anyway.
cw: cannibalism, rotten meat
Why had one of his first responses to finding his dead husband been to chew on his hands? He still doesn't know. Isaac had been gone for days, it wasn't like he'd wake up. Some weird instinct baked in from a past life, perhaps? Some things are like that, even when he doesn't have the memories to go with them.
The human priest with the gun is talking.
Tannusen turns his head a little to the side Cassian's on, staring at him. Those bright blue eyes of his are only half-focused.
Hoarse, from the very vigorous strangulation, he rasps out, "...I think I'd have preferred the forehead-smooch."
You know, as far as payback goes. Smooch his forehead and let him go off and get got.
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"Aye... I 'spose that's fair enough..." He was looking, checking without touching for any signs of severe injury. Easier said than done with the man covered in a fine red film, he imagined there would be some severe bruising at his throat, just by the sound of his voice alone.
"I doubt it would have warded off a ghost, I'm neither good luck nor magic." Talking was good. While far from any kind of miracle cure, if nothing else it might do to help coax Tannusen back towards some relative form of sanity... Maybe.
"D'ye need help sittin' up?" Because laying here forever wasn't going to happen. "Or do ye need to lay a while?" Leaving wasn't on the itinerary either it seemed, as he went to kneel beside the fallen man, still not touching him.
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"...Luck's overrated," he rasped, uncomfortable with all of this. "I'm getting up. I need to get this shit off me, somehow."
Honestly, someone being this nice to him was more uncomfortable than the gore, in a lot of ways. Even with all the memories that gore was bringing up. It was like pouring salt right into open wounds. It was too much.
He really preferred the strangulation.
So he rolled away from Cassian to get up onto all fours, and then pushed himself to his feet, steady on them despite his mental state. It wasn't like it was anything he wasn't used to.
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If anything, Cassian swayed just a little more than Tannusen did, though the cause was hardly as dire. That flask hadn't been empty after all, though now it was probably fast approaching it.
"Caught sight of a fountain a ways behind, should the walls not have shifted it ought serve ye for a bath." That much he could offer him, his tone steadily returning to it's normal volume and tone. Picking and plucking like a mother hen wasn't going to help here, utility was chosen instead.
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So.
That water's cursed and gross, now. Yay!
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"Right. Well, thanks for the warnin', I was considerin' fillin' me flask with it but I'm not in any need of extra protein and me day's been interestin' enough."
To be fair, this was more comfortable, if only because it gave some indication of a return to what he presumed was normalcy for the man before him.
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He assumes that the people he saw go apeshit as soon as they changed had probably been ridden by their new form's instincts. Most people aren't equipped for that. Tannusen hadn't been equipped for that, when he'd first gone through chrysalisis and accidentally changed forms for the first time, in the middle of a beating.
Though he couldn't exactly regret what he'd done, that time. Biting off most of his father's face before fleeing into the desert had been a pretty gentle payback, all things considered.
"I saw one person turn into a big wet horse, that could be fun."
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Cassian pulls the flask from his hip, giving it a bit of a slosh as Tannusen wiped the blood from his face and hair. Just enough left to hopefully get him through the rest of this nightmare maze, down the hatch it went with nary a shudder or cough.
"... There's a kelpie makin' a mess of the place now, isn't there?"
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CW: idk man gross undead monster stuff
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